So, we're several weeks now into the Lenten season. And I have to admit I have done very well thus far keeping up with my challenge to myself. I have not missed a day of reading my Bible. I have however, realized something important. I think that when you read something when you are younger that you don't really get the full meaning of what you are reading. Like I have read books recently that I read when I was younger and they have so much more meaning to me now. However, reading the Bible now as opposed to when I was younger has just confused me. I mean, yes, it is the word of God. But if I had not grown up in church and been taught by some increcdible preacher teachers, I would have a hard time with a lot of what I have been reading. And honestly, despite the fact that I was brought up in church, I am still having a hard time with some of it.
I haven't been following any kind of plan, I've just kind of been picking a book and reading. First, I read the entire book of John. Oh, how I love the book of John. It is so affirming and freeing. And I read a good deal of Psalms, which fills my heart with joy. And then I started reading the book of Luke. And I have to admit, the book of Luke makes me concerned that we're all going to hell. It is not an affirming book. It is terrifying really. It makes me think that there's nothing that we can do to get to heaven outside of nailing our own selves to a cross. I just can't see much grace in the book of Luke. I just see lots of work that you have to do to get to heaven. Maybe it's good that I've fallen under conviction reading this. But, I don't really know what to do exactly. I mean, I read the parts about picking up your cross and following Jesus, and I don't know what I need to do. And then I read the parts about having to hate your own family. And I don't know how to apply that to me. I don't think I can hate my own family. Sure, they drive me nuts sometimes, but I couldn't ever hate them. Maybe I"m taking everything much to literally. I'm not sure. I'm going to keep on reading the book of Luke, because I've read it before and I know it ends with the cross and the resurrection. And I know there's grace in the end. It's this middle part that's causing me to struggle.